Every family has one black sheep, but when the holidays are about to come around, you are reminded of the biggest, blackest sheep that you've ever had to spend time around. I have this one aunt (my mom's sister) who is one of the worst human beings on the planet. She hates my parents because they had an actual family, and she wasted age 25 thru 45 drinking apple-tini's at AppleBees, going to karaoke bars, and selling various items associated with pyramid schemes (weight loss drugs, fake stock in precious metals, As Seen on TV products, life insurance, AVON, Mary Kay, and even something that claimed to give you priority access to organs from organ donors.)
Anyways, one time she borrowed this car from my dad and never gave it back. Six months later, it was found in the Potomac River after it was used as a battering ram for a series of thefts at local pharmacies and Nordstrom Racks.
She did apologize and claim it was her boyfriend at the time (who is currently doing time at a state prison). Every Thanksgiving, she insists on bringing one of her disgusting new men to our dinner table, which is definitely a hazard because there are young children around. She smells like cheap perfume, jokes about her vagina and breasts constantly, and is the type of person to stay at your house until she cleans out the liquor cabinet.
Recently she got a Facebook and friended me for some reason. I put her on limited profile, but every day I get to watch her dumb life unfold right before my eyes. She some how manages to get in a fight with some one every day, get lonely and bored every 3 hours, then get blackout drunk by the end of the night. She is racist, reverse sexist against herself, and is openly trying to find a man who is about to die so that she can have all of his money.
She also posts at least one 'selfie' every day.
We are all ashamed of my aunt, and we don't know how she happened. I secretly hope that she disappears.
One time she gave me a pack of Schmirnoff Ice for Christmas in front of my parents. It was so stupid. She is an idiot.
Sometimes she doesn't post on Facebook for 6 hours, and I secretly hope that the Lord mercifully spared her life from continuing.
I am ashamed of my aunt. I think she still thinks she is 16 or something. I think something is wrong with her. Sigh.